I’m looking at meself in the mirror, not too many marks on me face considering how many times I’ve done this. It’s no good though is it? A man of my age still fighting, having to spend a day or two lying down on the bunk in me trailer because I can’t work. Even if the fella’s hardly marked me, I still can’t go out calling for work till the bruises have gone off me face. If I never have to have another fight in me life I’ll be a happy man. But that’s not likely, not the way things is going. It’s getting worse and people is using knives and guns now. Used to happen a few times a year, maybe during or after a fair or a wedding, people’d have too much to drink, things’d be said and then it would end up in fighting. It’s more than that now. I don’t know what’s getting into people but it seems like they want to kill each other: Travellers against Travellers.

My youngest lass came and sat on me knee the other day and said Daddy I don’t like it when you get hurt, it makes me cry and get really sad and I don’t tell Mammie because I’m not supposed to say it to you. Everybody knows when there’s going to be a fight, even the bairns. I didn’t know what to say, I couldn’t tell the little lass that it wouldn’t happen again because we both knew it would.

It’s like I say, things are said maybe in drink and then they have to be straightened out the next day or a few days after by me and the other fella who I’m having to fight. I might have nothing against the man and him the same with me, but we are the fighting men from both sides and we have to sort it out.

I’ve got a bad feeling about this one though I don’t mind tellin yer, I’ve had a good run and me heart’s not in it, but I can’t let my family down. Young Georgie and Tommy said what they said in front of a load of other men and the other family’s within their rights to have it sorted. My family’ll all be cheering when I win, if I win and my wife will be bathing me cuts the next morning when the drink has worn off me. I’ll have a drink after with the men because they’ll want to buy it for me and that’ll stop the pain a bit. There’ll be a bit of money as well, some’ll come from the bettin, some’ll have to come from their pockets and all that’ll do is cover the few days I can’t work.

My wife’ll be waitin for me whatever time I get back to the trailer, she does it every time and she never says a thing, she never has because she was brought up with it, her father was a fighting man as well. I don’t know when this is going to stop I just have to keep on going until it does, but I’ll say it again me heart’s not in it. There’s the knock on the trailer door and there’s a last look at my wife, she knows how I’m feeling and she can’t look me in the face. I wouldn’t wish this on me worst enemy, being a fighting man.

AFTERWORD 1

Trying to explain to gorgio (non-Gypsy) people about Gypsy Traveller culture can be a very difficult task, you don’t even realise how complex your culture is until you try and explain certain aspects of it.

Earlier this year I was contacted by a person studying for a PhD. She contacted me hoping that I could shed light on the current situation regarding conflict resolution within the Gypsy community. I tried on a number of occasions via email and over the phone to properly explain my viewpoint and experiences, but no matter how I tried I felt I just was not able to do it properly.

Having written a number of stories for my children on different aspects of my upbringing in the Gypsy community, in which I always seemed to be able to express myself very well, I sat down and wrote in the same story form about a relative who was a fighting man. Within 15 minutes it was done. I felt straightaway that it worked and sent it to the PhD student who felt that it explained very clearly what I had previously been unable to and gave her a new and unique way of looking at the subject. The therapeutic benefits of having written Fighting Man were tremendous. I had found a new way of expressing myself and the benefits are ongoing, the very positive responses to Fighting Man inspired me to write another 20 stories on other aspects of Gypsy life. I now have a collection called 21st Century Travellers Tales, which I hope gives those within my community some kind of voice outside of it and those outside of it some kind of insight into it.

R O’Neill

rroneillaol.com

AFTERWORD 2

I first met Richard through his interest in promoting men’s health. Richard became a valued advisory group member on the Department of Health funded study, The Health Status of Gypsies and Travellers in England.¹ Richard’s creative and positive approach to raising cultural awareness has led to encouragement of other Gypsy Travellers to have a voice through his website, www.gypsyexpressions.org.uk, to express and celebrate their lives and their culture.